My mom was married as she neared her 17th birthday. A year later I was born.
I had the opportunity to have her as a full-time mom. She never really had a career outside the home. But, I imagine now as I look back, she may have dreamed of one.
You see, my mom was born into a time and place where possibilities were limited. I just never realized how much. I wish I had asked her more about it. How did she feel? What were her dreams?
You see, most of these questions didn’t even occur to me until after she was gone. Over the past 6 years I have pieced together some clues to what I can imagine might have been her dream.
She earned her GED sometime near my first year in school. Later, she took some vocational classes. I remember shorthand being one of them. I can recall her excitement over the years when she was part of some home party organizations that allowed her to work from home. Maybe that’s why I still have such a love for the opportunity that companies like Mary Kay have made possible. My mom didn’t need the income, but instead it was the opportunity to do more that she loved. The things she earned for sales contest were prized possessions (I wonder where I get it?) It wasn’t the money. It was an opportunity to succeed.
I remember her reading books put out by the companies to learn about the things she was doing. She wanted to grow, she wanted to get better. It’s incredible to me when I think back how much she wanted to learn and improve.
My mom didn’t read for entertainment. I never saw her spend time reading other kinds of books, like fictional books. She rarely even watched television. She was always, always busy.
She was up every morning before anyone else. Our house was always spotless. She also washed the car by hand at least once per week, and more if needed. She loved to mow the yard.
She cooked supper every evening and washed the dishes. She always set the kitchen back to square one after each meal. Daddy and I usually spent this time watching television. She would sometimes come and join us either to do the ironing, and usually some simple exercise like sit-ups.
She tucked me in every night and taught me to pray. She always made sure I was ready for school. She was there every day after school.
In my mind and heart, she was perfect, and I selfishly never considered she ever wanted more. She seemed like superwoman to me.
The entire time I was growing up, she was always there to encourage and protect me. She would always say, “Do your best.” She also encouraged me to learn new things. She stressed the importance of education. She encouraged me to be comfortable driving and traveling on my own. She often stressed the importance of taking responsibility for where I wanted to be and who I wanted to be. She made sure I knew it was up to me and not to depend on others for what I wanted. It was my responsibility to become independent.
I never asked her what more she dreamed. But, she also never made me feel like she questioned “what if”. She never mentioned feeling it was unfair to be a woman. In fact, I believe she enjoyed it very much. She didn’t want something different. She might have just wanted the chance for more.
She never said, “If I didn’t have to take care of you, I could have….”. I don’t feel like her dream was to have a career instead of a family. I do think her dream might have been to have Daddy and me along with that career.
But, the gift she gave to me was the assurance and encouragement that having it all was possible. What ever having it all meant. There wasn’t a concrete definition. Having it all meant having all of whatever you dreamed.
I get to live my dream every day because of the things she taught me were possible. Because she taught me not to blame, she taught me not wish it were another way. She taught me to make another way.
I have and appreciate so many things that she taught me to dream were possible. I have a husband, 2 boys, a career, and I love them all. She pushed me to believe and achieve. Because of her, even now, I continue to dream.
My mom is the reason I find joy in work. She made sure I knew I had choices. I have ambition and hold the belief anything is possible because of her. I’m thankful for every single day I was blessed to have my mom and grateful she was mine. I used to worry she thought my house wasn’t clean enough. I haven’t washed a car by hand in years. But, my bed is made every morning before I leave. Sometimes you just have to decide what’s most important. Now, I’m almost certain she didn’t care how clean my house was, she just cared I was happy. I wish, I could tell her how thankful I am for all the gifts she gave to me.
